**Healing takes more than positive thinking (sometimes).**

By: Joy Stephenson-Laws, Holistic Coach, J.D., Founder

Okay, let's talk about something that's been bothering me.

There's this message everywhere in the wellness world. You know the one. Your favorite life coach posts it. That motivational speaker shouts it from stage. Even some therapists swear by it:

"Just change your thoughts and you'll change your life!"

"It's all about mindset!"

"Everything starts in your head!"

And look — sometimes this is absolutely true. If you're dealing with imposter syndrome at your new job, or you picked up some perfectionist habits from your overachieving family, then yeah, working on your thoughts can be life-changing. Cognitive reframing? Amazing. Mindset work? Fantastic.

But here's what nobody talks about: sometimes the mind can lie, while the body tells the truth.

Let me explain.

You can reframe thoughts all day long. You can say affirmations until you're blue in the face. You can even convince yourself you're totally over that thing that happened.

But if your heart starts racing in perfectly safe situations…

If your shoulders creep up to your ears when someone touches you gently…

If your stomach drops every time you need to speak up in a meeting…

If you hold your breath without even noticing…

Friend, your body is telling you something your mind hasn't figured out yet.

When Mindset Work Is Enough (And When It's Not)

Here's the thing — I'm not anti-mindset work. Not at all. For lots of people and lots of situations, it's exactly what's needed.

Mindset work can be perfect when:

You're dealing with a rough patch (breakup, job loss) but you've got a pretty solid foundation.
Your negative thoughts came from your environment, not trauma (like picking up worry habits from anxious parents).
You're facing new challenges and need confidence (hello, imposter syndrome).
Your body generally feels safe — you can breathe deeply, sleep okay, and don't jump at sudden noises.

**Affirmations can be powerful, but sometimes we need a lot more.**

For these folks? Cognitive behavioral therapy, positive reframing, affirmations — chef's kiss. Works beautifully.

But mindset work alone often falls short when:

You've experienced trauma (big T or little t).
Your childhood lacked emotional safety.
You've been through abuse, neglect, or chronic stress.
Your body is stuck in survival mode.
You intellectually "know" you're safe but can't feel it.

See the difference? It's not about good or bad, strong or weak. It's about matching the tool to the job.

Why Your Body Keeps the Score (Even When Your Mind Moves On)

Here's what happens with trauma — and I mean any trauma, from obvious abuse to subtle emotional neglect. It doesn't always leave you with a clear story to tell. Instead, it leaves patterns in your body:

**Survival responses are common, and the body thinks of them as protection.**

That jolt in your chest when your phone rings? Your body remembers when phone calls meant bad news.

That frozen smile when you're actually upset? Your body learned it wasn't safe to show real feelings.

That queasy feeling when someone compliments you? Your body is waiting for the other shoe to drop.

These aren't thoughts. They're not beliefs you can just decide to change. They're survival responses that got stuck in the "on" position. And trust me, your body thinks it's protecting you.

The Problem with "Just Think Positive" Culture

Look, I get why "mindset is everything" sells. It's hopeful! It puts you in the driver's seat! It suggests that with enough determination and the right thoughts, you can overcome anything.

But here's where it gets harmful:

When we tell trauma survivors to "just think positive," we're basically saying their continued struggle is a choice. Like they're just not trying hard enough. Like if they really wanted to heal, they'd simply choose better thoughts.

Can you imagine telling someone with a broken leg to just think about walking? That's what we're doing when we push mindset-only solutions on people whose nervous systems are stuck in survival mode.

What Nobody Tells You About Real Healing

True healing — the kind that sticks — usually needs both your mind AND your body on board.

Think of it like this:

Your mind is great at understanding what happened and making sense of it.
Your body needs to actually feel that the danger has passed.

**We have to be proactive about how our bodies actually process and store difficult experiences.**

They're teammates, not competitors.

This is why somatic (body-based) practices can be game-changers for trauma survivors:

Breathwork — literally teaches your nervous system how to chill out.

EMDR — helps your brain file away trauma memories properly.

Somatic therapy — lets you slowly release trapped survival energy.

Trauma-informed yoga — rebuilds trust with your own body.

Good old-fashioned movement — helps discharge stress and complete the stress cycle.

These aren't woo-woo alternatives to "real" therapy. They're legitimate approaches that work with how our bodies actually process and store difficult experiences.

So, Who Needs the Body-Based Stuff?

If you're reading this and thinking, "Okay but how do I know if this is me?" here are some signs:

You've done regular therapy for years but still feel stuck.
You can explain your issues perfectly but can't seem to feel better.
Your body has strong reactions that don't match your current reality.
You know you're safe but don't feel safe.
You live from the neck up, totally disconnected from your body.
You have mysterious physical symptoms doctors can't explain.

If this sounds familiar, you're not broken. You're not failing at healing. You just might need a different approach — one that includes your body in the conversation.

What This Actually Looks Like

Integrated healing isn't complicated. It might look like:

Noticing what happens in your body when you talk about certain memories.
Taking three deep breaths before trying to reframe a thought.
Going for a walk after therapy to help your body process what came up.
Combining talk therapy with yoga or dance.
Learning to trust your gut feelings again.

It's not about choosing between your mind and body. It's about getting them to work together.

The Bottom Line

Can some people heal with mindset work alone? Absolutely.

Should everyone need intensive body work? Definitely not.

But can we please stop pretending that positive thinking is a cure-all for everyone?

Let's stop making people feel like failures when affirmations aren't enough. Let's stop oversimplifying trauma and healing. Let's acknowledge that sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is admit that your thoughts have changed but your body is still catching up.

Because here's what I know for sure: Real healing honors the whole person — mind, body, and that mysterious space in between. It meets you where you are, not where some guru thinks you should be.

Your healing journey is yours. Whether that's through changing thoughts, calming your nervous system, or most likely some combination of both — you get to decide what you need.

Just remember: if your mind says one thing but your body says another, maybe it's time to listen to both.

Resources & Further Reading

If this resonated with you and you want to learn more, here are some excellent resources:

Books:

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk - The definitive book on how trauma affects the body
Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine - Introduction to Somatic Experiencing
My Grandmother's Hands by Resmaa Menakem - Racialized trauma and body-centered healing
When the Body Says No by Gabor Maté - The connection between stress and physical illness
Complex PTSD by Pete Walker - For those healing from childhood trauma

Therapeutic Approaches to Explore:

Somatic Experiencing (SE) - somaticexperiencing.com
EMDR - emdr.com/what-is-emdr
Internal Family Systems (IFS) - ifs-institute.com
Sensorimotor Psychotherapy - sensorimotorpsychotherapy.org
Trauma-Sensitive Yoga - traumasensitiveyoga.com

Online Resources:

NICABM - Webinars and resources on trauma treatment
Trauma Research Foundation - Founded by Bessel van der Kolk
Polyvagal Institute - Understanding nervous system responses

Finding a Practitioner:

Psychology Today has filters for trauma-informed and somatic therapists
EMDRIA.org for certified EMDR therapists
Your local area may have trauma-informed yoga classes
Many somatic practitioners now offer online sessions

Remember: healing isn't a race, and there's no "right" way to do it. These are just options to explore if your journey needs more than mindset work alone.

The Mind Can Lie, But the Body Tells the Truth