By: Joy Stephenson-Laws, Holistic Coach, J.D., Founder

For years, whenever I heard someone mention the concept of the "inner child," I admit, I rolled my eyes. It sounded to me like adults refusing to grow up, people stuck clinging to childhood fantasies or imaginary friends. As someone who had spent decades in the grown-up world—paying taxes, working hard, and solving real-world problems—I dismissed it as immature nonsense.

But the more I engaged with psychotherapists, counselors, and neuroscientists, the clearer it became that the "inner child" isn't a metaphor for immaturity. Instead, it's a real part of us all, formed in our earliest years, that still profoundly influences how we feel, react, and live as adults.

In This Article, You Will Learn:

What the inner child truly is.
The significance of the theta years in childhood development.
Why the inner child matters in adulthood.
How famous people relate to their inner child.
Practical ways to heal your inner child.

What Exactly is the Inner Child?

Think of your inner child as an emotional memory bank. Every person has this psychological presence storing the core emotional lessons learned during childhood, especially between birth and around seven years old. In these critical years, our brains function primarily in "theta waves."

The inner child is like an emotional memory bank.

Theta waves (4-8 Hz) are slow brain rhythms associated with deep imagination, dreaming, and openness. Children under seven are emotional sponges, absorbing every experience without filtering it. Every praise, criticism, smile, or scolding gets recorded directly into their subconscious.

Understanding the Theta Years

Early childhood brain development is marked by distinct stages:

Birth to about 2 years (Delta waves):
Babies operate in delta waves, an even slower frequency (0–4 Hz). Their brains store sensory experiences—like the comforting scent of a caregiver or a parent's voice—creating basic emotional safety messages.
2 to 7 years (Theta waves):
During this period, children spend most waking hours in theta. This is when their emotional "rulebook" is created. Every experience is accepted as absolute truth. For instance, frequent praise for helping instills the belief "I'm valuable when I help others," while repeated criticism can lead to beliefs like "Mistakes are dangerous."
7 years and older (Alpha and Beta waves):
After about age seven, brain waves speed up to alpha (8-12 Hz) and beta (12+ Hz). Alpha waves help children begin reasoning deliberately, memorizing facts, and understanding social interactions. Beta waves later foster abstract thought and problem-solving abilities.

A baby’s brain stores sensory experiences — like the comforting scent of a caregiver or a parent's voice.

However, the emotional programming from the theta years stays deeply embedded, continuously shaping our reactions and behaviors into adulthood. This stored emotional programming forms our "inner child."

Why the Inner Child Matters in Adult Life

Your inner child actively shapes your adult life in essential ways:

Emotional Reactions:
Unexpectedly intense reactions to minor issues—like curt texts or unanswered calls—often reflect early childhood experiences of feeling ignored, rejected, or unsafe.
Relationship Patterns:
Our earliest relationship lessons come from caregiver interactions. Conditional or inconsistent love in childhood can lead to trust issues or abandonment fears as adults.
Creativity and Joy:
Positively engaging your inner child unlocks creativity, curiosity, joy, and playfulness, bringing enthusiasm and innovation into your life.

Famous Voices on the Inner Child

You don’t have to take just my word for it. Famous figures also acknowledge the importance of their inner child:

Jim Carrey: "The inner child runs rampant. They’re just smaller, that’s all." He emphasizes the role of creativity and playfulness in life.
Will Smith: In his memoir, Will, he notes that success cannot erase childhood wounds—healing comes from directly addressing unresolved emotions.
Louise Hay: Advocated speaking lovingly to oneself, asserting, "Your inner child needs to know you love it and can be trusted."
Oprah Winfrey: Highlights inner child healing as essential for overcoming trauma, finding personal peace, and improving relationships.

Practical Ways to Heal Your Inner Child

Healing your inner child involves revisiting and gently rewriting early emotional programming by intentionally entering theta-wave states:

Guided Hypnosis:
Hypnosis naturally induces theta states, scientifically proven ideal for rewriting old beliefs and promoting emotional healing.
Yoga Nidra and NSDR (Non-Sleep Deep Rest):
These guided relaxation techniques shift you into theta states, soothing emotional wounds and establishing positive emotional frameworks.
Slow, Rhythmic Breathing and Playful Activities:
Practices like rhythmic breathing (five-second inhale, seven-second exhale) or playful activities such as coloring or gentle movement can calm the nervous system and ease you into theta states.

Be gentle with your inner child. Have fun.

A Simple, Effective Inner Child Healing Routine

Notice and Name: Recognize emotional triggers and acknowledge, "My younger self feels scared/angry/sad."
Enter a Calming Theta State: Use methods like hypnosis, meditation, Yoga Nidra, or gentle breathing exercises to deeply relax.
Comfort and Reassure: Visualize comforting your younger self, reassuring them kindly, and affirming their worth and safety.
Repeat Often: Frequent short sessions are more effective than occasional longer ones, gradually making your emotional responses healthier and calmer.

Your inner child isn't your past—it's an active presence shaping your present.

Final Thoughts

Caring for your inner child is a powerful act of emotional intelligence and maturity, not immaturity. By treating your inner child lovingly, you enhance emotional stability, creativity, and joy in your adult life.

Your inner child isn't your past—it's an active presence shaping your present. Treat it with patience and kindness to unlock resilience, creativity, and strength, positively reshaping your daily life and relationships.

Sources:

Cellier, D. et al., Developmental Cognitive Neuroscience (2021)
De Pascalis, V., Brain Sciences (2024)
Pandi-Perumal, S.R. et al., Sleep and Vigilance (2022)
Albers, S., Cleveland Clinic Health Essentials (2024)
Jim Carrey Quotes, AZQuotes.com
Will Smith, Will (Memoir), Goodreads.com
Louise Hay, LouiseHay.com
Oprah Winfrey, OprahDaily.com

Your Inner Child: The Secret to Understanding Your Adult Self