By Joy Stephenson-Laws, Holistic Coach, J.D., Founder

On Memorial Day, we often turn our thoughts to those who’ve served and sacrificed. We honor the visible wounds—missing limbs, medals on chests, flags draped over caskets. But trauma doesn’t always wear a uniform. It doesn’t always make itself known through flashbacks or nightmares.

For many trauma survivors—veterans and civilians alike—there is a hidden, often misunderstood legacy of trauma: the inability to feel safe even when nothing is wrong.

This post is a tribute—not only to those we’ve lost, but to those who are still here, struggling quietly. It’s a reflection on a subtle but pervasive trauma symptom: the discomfort of calm, and the deep internal conflict that arises when peace feels like a threat.

The Paradox of Safety

You finally get the stable job.
You move into a quiet neighborhood.
Your abusive partner is gone.
Your kids are thriving.
You’ve survived.
And yet—you can’t breathe.

Many trauma survivors live in a constant state of hypervigilance—on edge, waiting for the next bad thing to happen. But fewer people talk about what happens after the danger passes. When things start going well, instead of relief, some survivors feel anxiety, suspicion, even dread.

Calmness becomes disorienting. Rest feels like vulnerability.

This is often referred to as “safety dysregulation”—a nervous system conditioned to threat interprets peace as the unknown, and therefore, as unsafe.

Why Peace Feels Dangerous

The body is built to survive. When trauma occurs—whether through war, childhood abuse, neglect, or chronic stress—the nervous system adapts. It learns to scan for threats, to anticipate danger, and to remain on high alert. Over time, this hypervigilant state becomes the “new normal.”

Familiar feels safe—even if it’s painful.

So when the environment finally becomes quiet, the body doesn’t know how to downshift. Instead of relaxing, it panics.

A calm home, a healthy relationship, a moment of stillness—these can trigger fear, irritability, or a compulsive need to disrupt the peace.

Many survivors self-sabotage not because they don’t want happiness, but because their nervous systems are wired to equate safety with danger. And unless this paradox is addressed, healing remains incomplete.

Memorial Day and Unseen Trauma

Veterans often experience this phenomenon after returning from combat. The shift from the intensity of war to civilian life can feel destabilizing. The absence of constant threat doesn’t always bring relief; instead, it can trigger numbness, restlessness, or even despair.

But this isn’t unique to veterans. Survivors of childhood trauma, domestic violence, poverty, or systemic oppression can carry the same pattern. If you grew up in chaos, your body may have never learned how to trust safety. You may find yourself creating crisis where there is none, just to feel in control.

This Memorial Day, we honor the soldiers—but let’s also extend our compassion to the millions who’ve fought quieter wars: emotional wars, relational wars, generational wars. Many are still in recovery, even if their scars are invisible.

A Holistic Solution: Rebuilding the Felt Sense of Safety

The good news? The nervous system is not static. It’s adaptable. With the right tools and support, survivors can retrain their bodies to recognize safety—not as a threat, but as home.

1. Somatic Awareness: Befriending the Body

You can’t think your way into safety. You have to feel it.

Somatic practices like trauma-informed yoga, breathwork, and guided body scans help reconnect you with physical sensations. Over time, these modalities teach your body what it feels like to be safe—steady breath, relaxed muscles, soft eyes.

If you’d like personalized guidance, our holistic coaching services can help you develop a daily somatic practice tailored to your needs.

Try this: Sit with one hand on your chest, the other on your belly. Breathe in slowly through your nose. Feel your body rise and fall. Notice any areas of tightness or clenching. Simply observe. With each exhale, whisper the word “safe” or “now.” Stay for two minutes. Repeat daily.

2. Healing the Gut–Brain Axis

The gut and brain are in constant communication. A dysregulated nervous system often leads to digestive issues—and vice versa. Many trauma survivors suffer from IBS, acid reflux, or chronic bloating, which further signals the body that something is wrong.

A nutrient-rich, anti-inflammatory diet that supports the gut microbiome can calm the nervous system. Probiotics, omega-3s, magnesium, and whole foods help balance cortisol levels and support neurotransmitter production like serotonin and GABA.

Consider adding:

Fermented foods (kimchi, kefir, sauerkraut)
Leafy greens and fiber-rich foods
Bone broth and collagen
Herbal teas like chamomile and lemon balm

3. Gentle Exposure to Safety

If calm feels foreign, start small. Tiptoe into stillness rather than leaping.

Light a candle and sit quietly for 3 minutes.
Take a short walk in nature without your phone.
Let someone hug you—then breathe into the contact.
Listen to soft music with your eyes closed.

These small exposures give your nervous system opportunities to recalibrate. You’re not forcing peace; you’re reintroducing it, one breath at a time.

4. Co-regulation and Safe Relationships

You don’t have to heal alone. The nervous system often learns best in the presence of a regulated other. Therapy, support groups, or even a calm friend or pet can help teach your body how to feel safe in connection.

If you’re ready to explore one-on-one support, consider our mental health counseling to find an empathetic witness and guide your healing journey.

As Peter Levine, founder of Somatic Experiencing, reminds us: “Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.” Healing happens when someone can sit with your pain without judgment.

5. Spiritual Anchoring

For many, spiritual practices create a sense of groundedness that transcends the body. Prayer, meditation, sacred texts, chanting, or simply sitting in awe of the natural world can restore a sense of order and trust in something greater than oneself.

Ask yourself: What practices make me feel held, even when the world feels uncertain?

Closing: Peace Is a Practice

This Memorial Day, let us remember that peace is not just a political ideal or a military outcome. Peace is a practice—one that begins inside our own bodies.

To the trauma survivor who struggles to rest: You are not broken. You are adapting. And you can learn a new way. You deserve safety not just in your environment, but in your nervous system. You deserve peace that doesn’t scare you. This is your new revolution—not just surviving, but learning to feel safe in your own skin.

In honor of the fallen, let us fight for the living—not with weapons, but with gentleness. Because healing is how we truly remember.

Sources

Somatic Practices & Nervous-System Regulation
“Evaluating Somatic Experiencing® to Heal Cancer Trauma” (2023) demonstrates that trauma-informed somatic interventions can reduce dissociation and bodily dysregulation by retraining autonomic responses through gentle, body-focused techniques PubMed Central.
Hyperarousal as Safety Dysregulation
A narrative review of PTSD highlights hyperarousal (persistent physiological alertness and startle‐response) as a core symptom cluster, showing its neural basis in amygdala overactivation and chronic allostatic load—underscoring why calmness can feel threatening PubMed Central.
Gut–Brain Axis & Trauma
Recent work in Scientific Reports (2025) maps the bidirectional gut–brain axis in PTSD, IBS, and sleep disturbances—confirming that microbiome-mediated signaling via immune, neuroendocrine, and vagal pathways modulates stress responses and emotional regulation Nature.
Co-Regulation in Healing Relationships
Harvard Health’s overview of co-regulation (2024) describes how a calm, attuned other (therapist, friend, or pet) provides the neural “training wheels” for emotion regulation—helping survivors shift out of hypervigilance through shared safety cues Harvard Health.

Memorial Day Reflections: Healing the Hidden Wounds of Safety