Letting Go: A Holistic Lifeline for Parents of Children with Drug or Emotional Issues
By Joy Stephenson-Laws, Holistic Coach, J.D., Founder
Sarah's Journey of Letting Go
Sarah's son, Michael, struggled with drug addiction for years, spiraling through cycles of relapse and recovery. Initially, Sarah tried everything—constant supervision, financial help, threats, pleading, and interventions. Despite her relentless efforts, nothing seemed to help. Over time, Sarah's mental and physical health deteriorated, and she became consumed by anxiety, helplessness, and resentment.
Her relationships with other family members suffered too. Sarah found herself isolated, constantly worrying about Michael's safety and future. Sleepless nights and anxious days became her norm, as she felt personally responsible for every setback Michael faced. This pressure strained her friendships and marriage, making it increasingly challenging to function in everyday life.
After attending a parent support group and seeking professional counseling, Sarah gradually realized that her attempts to control Michael’s outcomes were unintentionally causing harm rather than healing. In therapy, she learned that her emotional health and peace of mind couldn’t sustainably depend solely on Michael’s actions and choices.
Sarah began embracing the challenging yet liberating practice of "letting go," recognizing it as a holistic approach that encompassed emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual dimensions. This involved setting firm, loving boundaries and clearly communicating them to Michael without anger or resentment. Sarah also prioritized her emotional well-being through self-care activities such as hiking, yoga, and journaling.
Mentally, she shifted from obsessive worry to clear, compassionate thinking, practicing positive affirmations and supportive self-talk. Physically, she stopped constant interference, allowing Michael to face the natural consequences of his choices. Spiritually, Sarah embraced a deeper trust in a higher purpose, surrendering her need for control to a greater sense of faith and acceptance.
Over time, Sarah experienced a profound shift. As she holistically released her grip on controlling outcomes, she found relief from anxiety, improved sleep, and rekindled her other relationships. Michael, now facing clear consequences without her interference, began taking responsibility for his own recovery. Their interactions became more authentic and respectful, rooted in genuine connection rather than constant tension.
Understanding Letting Go from a Holistic Perspective
Letting go is a holistic venture that encompasses emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual dimensions, each equally important to achieving balance and wellness:
Emotional Letting Go
Emotional letting go involves consciously acknowledging, processing, and releasing challenging emotions like guilt, resentment, anger, fear, and anxiety. It means allowing yourself to fully feel these emotions without judgment, understanding their origins, and then intentionally deciding to no longer let them dominate your emotional landscape. This emotional release creates space within you for compassion, empathy, peace, and renewed emotional health.
Mental Letting Go
Mental letting go involves consciously identifying and redirecting patterns of obsessive thoughts, persistent worries, and controlling behaviors. It means recognizing that you are not your thoughts; rather, you are the observer of these thoughts.
Through practices such as mindfulness meditation, you learn to observe thoughts without becoming emotionally entangled, allowing them to pass naturally. This cultivates greater mental clarity and emotional balance, helping you realistically assess situations and make calm, rational decisions. Additionally, practices such as positive affirmations, journaling, and cognitive reframing further support the development of a mindset centered on acceptance, openness, and resilience.
Physical Letting Go
Physical letting go involves practical, tangible changes in your actions and interactions. It means consciously stopping behaviors that enable or unintentionally reinforce your child's negative patterns, such as continuously providing financial support without accountability, constantly intervening in their problems, or repeatedly rescuing them from the natural outcomes of their choices.
By setting and consistently enforcing clear, compassionate boundaries, you allow your child to face the natural consequences necessary for personal growth and recovery. Additionally, physical letting go involves prioritizing your physical health and well-being through regular exercise, adequate rest, and self-care practices.
Spiritual Letting Go
Spiritual letting go involves a profound internal shift toward surrendering your desire for control and placing trust in a higher power or universal wisdom. It means embracing humility and acceptance, recognizing that your child's journey and struggles may hold deeper, spiritual lessons for both of you. Spiritual letting go helps you move from a state of fear and desperation to a place of inner peace and faith, believing that even painful circumstances can serve a higher purpose or facilitate meaningful growth and transformation. Practices like meditation, prayer, reflection, or spending quiet time in nature can help strengthen this spiritual trust and provide comfort during challenging times.
Letting Go Does Not Mean:
Giving Up: Continuing to offer guidance, love, and practical support without assuming responsibility for your child’s decisions.
Ignoring Problems: Letting go does not mean denying or minimizing the severity of your child’s drug use or emotional issues. Instead, it involves honestly recognizing the seriousness of these issues and responding thoughtfully and clearly. Thoughtful and clear responses include open communication, expressing concerns without anger, providing information about available resources like counseling or treatment programs, setting firm but compassionate boundaries, and consistently following through with agreed-upon consequences.
Withdrawing Love: Consistently showing affection and emotional support while establishing healthy boundaries.
Allowing Harmful Behavior: Setting firm limits and clearly communicating expectations, intervening responsibly when safety is at risk.
Instead, letting go holistically provides unconditional love combined with compassionate boundaries and detachment, fostering healthier outcomes for everyone involved.
Practical Suggestions for Parents
Establish Clear Boundaries: Communicate your expectations and limits clearly, calmly, and compassionately. Ensure consistency by upholding agreed-upon consequences and boundaries, fostering accountability and mutual respect. Research indicates that setting and maintaining healthy boundaries can reduce psychological distress and improve interpersonal relationships .
Seek Support: Engage actively in professional counseling, parent support groups, or workshops designed to provide emotional, practical, and educational guidance. Sharing experiences with others facing similar challenges can reduce feelings of isolation and offer new perspectives and coping strategies. Family involvement in treatment has been shown to enhance recovery outcomes for individuals with substance use disorders .
Prioritize Self-Care: Dedicate time regularly to activities that nurture your emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual health. Activities such as exercise, meditation, journaling, hobbies, social connections, and proper rest help build resilience and maintain your overall wellness. Self-care practices are essential for parents to manage stress and support their own well-being .
Practice Compassionate Detachment: Learn to provide emotional support and empathy without enabling destructive behaviors. Compassionate detachment allows your child to experience necessary life lessons and develop personal responsibility, while you remain emotionally supportive but not emotionally dependent on their outcomes. This approach helps maintain your own well-being while supporting your child's growth.
The Transformative Gift of Holistic Letting Go
Letting go is a courageous, loving, holistic choice that fosters emotional freedom, mental clarity, physical health, and spiritual growth. Sarah’s journey revealed that embracing letting go from a holistic perspective significantly improved her own well-being and ultimately empowered Michael to take meaningful responsibility for his recovery. Their family experienced healing and growth in ways Sarah had never imagined, bringing deeper connections and emotional resilience to their lives.
References:
Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation. (n.d.). Boundaries in Addiction Recovery. Retrieved from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation
National Center for Biotechnology Information. (2021). Family Involvement in Treatment and Recovery for Substance Use Disorders. Retrieved from PMC
Raynor, P., & Pope, C. (2016). The Role of Self-Care for Parents in Recovery From Substance Use Disorders: An Integrative Review. Retrieved from CEConnection for Nursing
Psychology Today. (2024). Don't Go Into the Tunnel: The Practice of Loving Detachment. Retrieved from Psychology Today
Psychology Today. (2023). Setting Firm and Consistent Boundaries With Your Family. Retrieved fromPsychology Today