*By Joy Stephenson-Laws, Holistic Coach, J.D., Founder*

The Tale: What the Scorpion and Frog Teach Us

Have you heard the fable of "The Scorpion and the Frog"? It's a simple but powerful story: A scorpion asks a frog for help crossing a river. The frog hesitates, afraid the scorpion might sting him. But the scorpion reassures him, saying, "If I sting you, we'll both drown." Trusting this logic, the frog agrees. Midway across, the scorpion stings him anyway. As they both begin to sink, the frog asks in disbelief, "Why did you sting me? Now we’ll both drown!" The scorpion replies, "I couldn’t help it; it's my nature."

This fable teaches an important lesson: some people will harm others, even if it means hurting themselves, simply because it’s in their nature. Psychologist Jordan Peterson often uses this story to emphasize the importance of recognizing toxic behaviors early to protect ourselves.

But how do we truly protect ourselves from harmful behavior? Is the best approach intuition or judgment?

Understanding Intuition

Initially, the frog felt uneasy—his intuition warned him of potential danger. Intuition is your gut feeling, the inner voice that quickly alerts you without clear logical reasoning. It's a powerful, instinctive response that arises from subconscious cues, past experiences, and emotional intelligence. Intuition acts like an internal alarm, quickly signaling when something feels off or potentially dangerous.

For example, imagine Linda, who considered a business partnership. Her intuition raised doubts about her potential partner's integrity. She ignored this intuition, eager for success. Unfortunately, her partner later defrauded the business, confirming Linda's initial gut feeling.

Intuition can also manifest positively, giving us immediate comfort or trust in certain situations. Some may argue that intuition alone may not always be reliable. In the frog's case, his initial intuition warned him of danger. Yet, after the scorpion provided reassurance, the frog’s ‘positive intuition’ might have led him to trust blindly. This may suggest that intuition alone, without deeper reflection, can sometimes mislead us into believing reassuring words without considering underlying risks.

Understanding Judgment

Judgment involves harshly labeling someone as "bad" and completely rejecting them without deeper consideration. Had the frog judged the scorpion, he might have immediately dismissed him as dangerous and refused to help altogether. While this seems harsh, judgment in this scenario would have kept him safe. But is judgment truly the best solution?

Although judgment would have kept the frog safe, it can also lead to isolation and missed opportunities for positive relationships or experiences. Harsh judgment leaves no room for understanding or growth—it's an absolute rejection based on surface-level assumptions. For instance, if you immediately judge someone as "bad" due to one negative experience, you might miss out on seeing their positive traits or potential for change. Judgment is often rigid and inflexible, making it difficult to maintain compassionate relationships or effective communication. It provides short-term protection but limits long-term growth.

The answer is neither intuition nor judgment alone—it's discernment.

Why Discernment Matters

Discernment takes intuition a step further. It involves carefully analyzing a situation, weighing facts, considering past experiences, and thoughtfully making decisions. If the frog had practiced discernment, he would have paused, reflected on the scorpion’s true nature, and wisely chosen not to risk crossing with him. Intuition alerts you, but discernment helps you make wise choices. Intuition alone can sometimes be misleading if not balanced by careful thought and discernment (Greene, 2013).

Discernment vs. Judgment: Setting Healthy Boundaries

Instead of relying solely on intuition or harsh judgment, discernment encourages setting healthy boundaries. Boundaries are limits we set to protect ourselves while still caring about others. The frog could have practiced discernment by saying, "I understand you need help, but knowing your nature, I won’t carry you. Let’s find another safe solution." Thus, intuition provides an essential first layer of insight but should be balanced with discernment to ensure sound decision-making.

Author Lissa Rankin clarifies this beautifully: Judgment says, “You’re bad, and I reject you completely.” Discernment says, “I care about you, but I must protect myself by setting boundaries.” With discernment, you maintain kindness without compromising your safety or well-being.

Imagine you have a friend who frequently spreads rumors. Judgment would mean labeling them negatively and completely avoiding them. Discernment, from a holistic perspective, involves clearly communicating: "I value our friendship, but I recognize that when you spread rumors, it triggers feelings of hurt within me, indicating there are areas within myself that need healing. To respect both of our journeys, I’ll set boundaries around our interactions while I work on addressing these internal issues."

Boundaries: A Healthy Way to Love

Research by Brené Brown shows compassionate people often have clear boundaries. Boundaries help us stay safe while maintaining respect for others. They allow us to care without feeling drained or resentful (Brown, 2021).

Consider a parent whose adult daughter struggles with drug use and refuses counseling. Initially, the parent feels obligated to help financially, hoping it would lead to recovery. But continued financial support only enables harmful behavior and increases stress. Practicing discernment, the parent sets a boundary by gently saying, "I love you deeply, but I can no longer financially support your drug use. I’m here emotionally when you’re ready to seek help." This protects the parent's well-being while clearly communicating care and concern.

Toxic Relationships and Our Wellness

Toxic relationships don't just harm us emotionally—they impact physical health and overall well-being. Negative interactions raise stress hormones like cortisol, weakening immunity, causing anxiety, disturbing sleep, and contributing to depression (Umberson & Montez, 2010).

Forgiveness: Part of Discernment

Forgiveness is essential to discernment. It doesn't mean forgetting harm or allowing repeated mistreatment. Instead, forgiveness involves consciously choosing to release resentment and anger for your own emotional health.

Carlos, for instance, had a challenging relationship with his critical older brother, who frequently belittled and criticized him. Over time, Carlos recognized how much resentment and emotional pain he carried due to his brother's behavior. By choosing to forgive, Carlos was not excusing or ignoring the hurtful actions but rather deciding to release the negative emotions weighing him down. This emotional release allowed him to establish healthier boundaries, such as reducing interactions or clearly communicating what behaviors were unacceptable. Ultimately, Carlos achieved emotional freedom and peace, genuinely wishing his brother well without carrying lingering bitterness.

Conclusion: Practicing Compassionate Wisdom

The fable of the scorpion and the frog teaches us the importance of balancing kindness with wisdom—trusting our intuition but validating it through thoughtful discernment. Intuition connects us deeply to our inner truths, while discernment provides the wise guidance necessary to honor those truths safely and compassionately. By thoughtfully practicing discernment, we enhance our holistic well-being, cultivate healthier relationships, and ultimately lead happier, more fulfilling lives.

References

Greene, J. (2013). Moral Tribes: Emotion, Reason, and the Gap Between Us and Them. Penguin Press.
Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the Heart. Random House.
Umberson, D., & Montez, J. K. (2010). Social relationships and health: A flashpoint for health policy. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 51(1_suppl), S54-S66.

Beyond Gut Feelings: Lessons From the Scorpion and the Frog