By Joy Stephenson-Laws, Holistic Coach, J.D., Founder

These days, more and more people are leaving states like California. They’re moving to places like Texas, Florida, Idaho, and Tennessee. On the surface, they say it’s for lower taxes, more personal freedom, or to escape what they see as extreme politics. Some say they’re worried about crime or their children’s safety. Others talk about wanting to raise their families in places that reflect their values.

But underneath those reasons, many people are actually searching for one thing: safety.

It’s easy to think that peace can be found in a different zip code. That if we move far enough away from discomfort, we’ll feel free again. But what if that peace we’re chasing isn’t really “out there”?

What if it’s something we can only find inside ourselves?

A True Story: From California to Tennessee

Take Brian and Dana, a couple in their early 40s with two kids. They lived in a Los Angeles suburb for years—good jobs, good schools, plenty of sunshine. But over time, they started feeling anxious about the changes around them. They worried about the rising cost of living. They didn’t like some of the new school curriculum that talked openly about race, gender, and identity. They felt like California had changed, and they no longer fit in.

They started following social media accounts that showed families like theirs buying big homes in rural areas for a fraction of the price. “Life in Tennessee,” one post said, “is like stepping back into freedom.”

So they packed up and moved to a small town outside Nashville. For a while, it felt like a dream—fresh air, friendly neighbors, wide open land. But slowly, the old anxiety returned.

Brian found himself watching the news every night, more worried than ever about politics. Dana struggled to make friends. Their kids felt lonely at school. And worst of all, the very thing they had hoped to leave behind—the feeling of being unsafe—was still inside them.

Because even though they changed their surroundings, they didn’t change what they carried inside.

Why People Run

It’s completely human to want to feel safe. Our brains are wired to protect us. When we feel threatened—by crime, cultural change, or things we don’t understand—we often want to fight, freeze, or flee. That’s what scientists call the fight-or-flight response, and it helped our ancestors survive.

Dr. Stephen Porges, who developed Polyvagal Theory, explains that our bodies look for signals of safety or danger all the time. And sometimes, even if the outside world is okay, our nervous system can still feel like we’re under attack—especially if we’ve been raised in fear or never learned how to feel grounded in the unknown.

This helps explain why some people feel more “in danger” when they see unfamiliar cultures, changing gender roles, or different political views. It’s not always about facts—it’s about how their body reacts to change.

What Does “Freedom” Really Mean?

When people say they’re leaving one state for “freedom,” we have to ask: freedom for whom? And freedom from what?

For some, freedom means fewer rules about guns or masks.
For others, it means freedom to express their identity without shame.
For many parents, it means controlling what their children learn.
For others, it means living in a place where their family feels seen and protected.

The truth is, freedom means different things to different people, and sometimes those ideas clash. But freedom doesn’t mean everyone has to think, believe, or live the same way.

Real freedom means being able to live your truth without taking away someone else’s dignity.

The Illusion of Safety

It’s easy to think that a quieter town, a bigger house, or a like-minded community will make us feel better. But peace doesn’t come from our address—it comes from how we live, love, and relate to others.

Many people who move in search of safety quickly discover that:

Fear follows them
Their children still struggle
Their stress about the world doesn’t go away
They still feel disconnected or worried

Why? Because they haven’t dealt with what’s underneath the move: their fear, control, anxiety, or grief.

Brené Brown, a research professor who studies shame and vulnerability, says that fear grows when we “other” people—when we see anyone different from us as dangerous. And when we live from fear, we disconnect from joy, trust, and compassion.

When Running Is Avoidance, Not Healing

There is nothing wrong with moving. People have always moved to find a better life. The problem is when we run not toward something good, but just away from something hard.

Running from discomfort doesn’t heal fear. It just hides it—for a while.

Avoiding change, difference, or uncertainty might feel easier in the short term. But eventually, those things show up again—in the news, in your child’s questions, or inside your own heart.

You can’t build real peace by controlling your surroundings. You build peace by expanding your ability to handle what’s hard.

What Real Safety Looks Like

True safety isn’t about fences, flags, or laws. It’s about inner stability and relational trust. Here’s what creates real peace:

Emotional safety: Learning to calm your own stress and fear
Community safety: Building relationships with people who care, even if they’re different from you
Spiritual safety: Trusting that life is uncertain—and that’s okay
Family safety: Teaching kids to think critically and love deeply, not just to follow rules

Final Thoughts: You Can’t Escape What’s Inside You

Before you pack up your life and move to a new place, ask yourself:

Am I running toward something I truly want—or just running away from discomfort?
Will I be more free and whole there—or just more in control?
Am I looking for peace—or for protection from change?

Because no matter where you go, you bring yourself with you.

If you don’t face the fear, the anxiety, or the shame—it will follow you. It will show up in your body, your family, your relationships, your news feed.

True safety doesn’t come from sameness. It comes from the ability to stay open and steady in a changing world.

We don’t need more people running away from the world.

We need more people building peace—right where they are.

Sources & Further Reading

Porges, Stephen W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. Norton.
Brown, Brené (2017). Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. Random House.
Tolle, Eckhart (2004). The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. New World Library.
Adorno, T. W., et al. (1950). The Authoritarian Personality. Harper & Row.

You Can’t Outrun Yourself: Why Moving Away Doesn’t Always Bring Peace